In the good ol’ days, speakeasies were smoky spots filled with well-dressed drunks and sexy women belting out sad tunes.

But too much boozing and too many smokes make you look like a roadhouse hooker, so where’s a modern gal to get her kicks?

Look to Betty’s Speakeasy for seriously illicit sweets. Stop by today to preorder holiday cakes or pies and return December 5 for the grand opening.

Sample artisan fudges made with goat’s milk and raw sugar. Let The Green Muse (spiked with absinthe) give you a buzz. Get liquid courage with a mug of Fante’s coffee or house-made cocoa. And definitely try the Crunk (dark chocolate fudge with cranberries and raspberry dust).

So much for singing the blues.

Betty’s Speakeasy, 2241 Grays Ferry Avenue (267-269-2347 or bettysfudge.com).