Boys, we can’t handle your griping anymore. You pretend like you’re beyond it. Like you don’t need a manicure. Like facials are for sissies. For those of you who are beyond the testosterone challenge, read on. For those of you who are not, some words of advice. 1. Kissing a boy with blackheads is not fun. 2. Those nails? Ouch!

We admit, we probably couldn’t get you boys near something like the Panasonic Bikini Trimmer & Shaper (though you never know, it could work wonders on nose hairs). Herewith the DailyCandy Male Grooming Guide. (A little bird told us you might need a hint or two.)

Facials and Massage

The one-stop skin care emporium supreme? SkinCare Lab. The facials, massages, body treatments, manicures, pedicures, waxing, and laser hair removal all get rave reviews. SkinCare Lab, 568 Broadway, at Prince Street, Suite 403 (212-334-3142).

On that note (and while we have the testosterone a-going), both Equinox and the Reebok Sports Club have slamming spa facilities. Equinox offers post-workout men’s facials, massages, and shaves; Paul Labrecque has over ten kinds of massages (check out the Thai massage with John Wehr; love that man!). Also good are the men’s sports facial, sports manicure, back facial, and back waxing (very important, the little birds tell us!). The Spa at Equinox, 140 East 63rd Street, (212-750-4671) Paul Labrecque (at Reebok), 160 Columbus Avenue, at 67th Street (212-595-0099).

For the downtown man, Prema Nolita is a mellow spot (for anything from facials, to massage, to reflexology. Prema Nolita, 252 Elizabeth Street (212-226-3972). One of the best, hard core massages in town. Go see Rome Cagnina at Dr Margolin’s Wellness Center, 166 Fifth Avenue, second floor (212-675-9355).

Midtown? Try the sauna and the shiatsu massage at Salon de Tokyo, or the eucalyptus steam, Akasuri body scrub, and shiatsu at Osaka (open until 3 a.m.!). Salon de Tokyo, 200 West. 57th Street, Suite 1308 (212-757-2187); Osaka, 50 West. 56th Street, second floor (212-956-3422).

Too chicken to do the deed in public? Lily Chang (former facialist at Ling) will come to your house armed with her steamer, facial masks and moisturizers. Lily Chang (917-826-6300). House calls in Brooklyn and Manhattan only.

Nails

We know several businessmen that have canceled lunch and booked a manicure/pedicure at the elegant La Boite a Coupe (where Parisian owner Laurent De Louya specializes in men’s haircuts). La Boite a Coupe, 18 West 55th Street, Suite 1C (212-246-2097).

Or get it done at home? Have Nails on Cue come over for a housecall. Nails on Cue (212-758-5147).

So there you have it. And girls, gift certificates are available for the grunge guy who needs a little lesson in Male Vanity 101.