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Pizza Porn Party
What: The Upper East Side Garden throws a hoedown with grub from Che Sopranos, free beer, and Benny Hill flicks.
Why: There’s sausage on top.
When: Fri., 7 p.m.-midnight.
Where:

Contrary to Miami lore, taking vitamins with a mojito does not constitute healthy. Instead, use these tips to make your body sing.

Always on My Mind
Take a chakra class at the Miami Life Center (736 6th Street; 305-534-8988), Friday, ...

Dear John,

I hate to end things this way. I just couldn’t face you with my hair in its current state. It’s too fabulous. You’d have known I cheated.

And it’s true. I’ve found someone else: Cutler, the New York ...

Recipe
1 tub papaya-pineapple
1 container coconut milk
1 tube Kukui coconut lotion
1 strapping masseuse

Instructions
Mix ingredients. Rub.

Not a Top Chef? Get the Miami Paradise Body treatment at The Spa at the Sports Club/LA in Brickell’s Four Seasons.

Hop ...

Summer myth: To swim is to shower.

Look, your armpits need a scrubbing, but your hair — the dirtier the better. Or so say the experts at Contesta Rock Hair.

Unknot that perma-ponytail in favor of the Goddess Twist. Here’s ...

Our muskets were bigger than their muskets.

WATCH
The Fourth of José
What: Local phenom José el Rey (along with rabid fans and bodyguards) celebrates the release of his debut CD.
Why: Nothing’s as patriotic as $1 PBR and Stella.

Once upon a time, in a swampy puddle off Biscayne, there lived a beautiful mosquito named Trixie. She was in love with Buzz, a handsome young stinger.

But one day Buzz got nasty on the hooch and tossed Trix around ...