Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. When it comes to holiday wordplay, people have had to be content with some pretty mediocre stuff. We’d like to raise the bar. Presenting the DailyCandy Holiday Lexicon.
Violent night, troll-y night n. The aftermath of the holiday party where a certain elf swills too much vodka.
Mistleho n. Someone who hangs around under the mistletoe, waiting to get kissed. (“Eve was being such a mistleho at the company party that no one else could get any play from the cute tech guys.”)
Eggsnog n. A makeout session that takes place under the influence of eggnog.
Hallmarketing n. The outrageous marketing push that begins two months before each holiday (Halloween decorations in July, Christmas decorations in October).
Round yon virgin n. Severely overweight child relative who hogs all the dessert. (“I never even got to try Aunt Martha’s cranberry squares — the round yon virgins charged the dessert table.”)
Santa fraud n. Poorly costumed Santa Claus impersonator. (“Avoid department stores at all costs. They’re overrun with Santa frauds this year.”)
Dreidel robber n. Someone who cheats young children at dreidel.
Yulezilla n. Someone who goes way too overboard with the Christmas decorations (usually Mom).
Mrs. Claws n. Work buddy’s wife whose steely gaze keeps her husband’s female colleagues on the other side of the office-party dance floor.