As if you’d ever be mistaken for some granola-eating, compost-piling hippie.

No way, no how.

Okay, so you’re more than a little judgmental.

But no alterna-culture Snoborina can resist the fresh fruit facial at Urban Spa Chic, which uses ingredients usually found at the Whole Foods salad bar (like fruits, veggies, yogurt, honey, and oats).

The recipe includes a top-notch skin analysis, a steam with strawberries and yogurt, a cornmeal exfoliant, and a cucumber puree as toner.

Next comes baking soda to prep your punim for those dreaded extractions, followed by blended fresh papaya and pineapple to make it all better. Raw potato alleviates under-eye circles (who knew?), and a mouth-watering mask (blueberries for healing, lemon juice for toning and whitening, honey for nourishing and hydrating, oats for softening) seals the deal.

A little fruity — without too much crunch.

Naturally.

Urban Spa Chic, 1401 West Hubbard Street, at Noble Street (312-492-8050 or urbanspachic.com).