Whatever happened to good old-fashioned romance?
Renaissance men have been replaced by metrosexuals. Corsets and petticoats are preferred stripper wear. And “one true love” has given way to starter marriages, prenups, and drunken Vegas weddings.
Thankfully, swordplay is still an option.
The Chicago Athletic Association has just started offering beginning fencing classes for just $100 a month — so you can learn the art of one-on-one bouts with real swords under the close eye of an authentically accented world champion. Lessons cover the basics — how to lunge, advance, retreat, score — and all attending rules of engagement.
Fulfill your thirst — for chivalry! danger! and silver lamé jackets! — at a luxurious old-world club right on Michigan Avenue.
Tragically, no chandelier swinging or staircase dueling allowed. But you still stand a chance of living happily ever after anyway.